RACE LIKE A GIRL will be tonight! This Thursday night criterium is perfect for beginners and fast-cats alike. Three short races per category (Women, Men A, Men B). Registration opens at 4:45, racing starts at 5:30. $10 for guys and only $5 for girls. RACE LIKE A GIRL is located at Union Park in Des Moines between Pennsylvania Ave and E. 9th about one mile north of the freeway.

Last week in Copper Mountain, Colorado the crew at Specialized showed off their 2009 line of bikes at their annual dealer event (which we were ubable to attend due to our RAGBRAI stupor across the state). One of the bikes shown was the updated S-Works Ruby SL. The 2009 version uses the exact same frame as this year's model, complete with the "specially-tuned tubing dimensions and geometry (to fit female anatomies) yielding a super lightweight, smooth riding chassis of superior caliber. Not to mention, unheard of strength and stiffness-to-weight ratios." But the 2009 model has a sick component upgrade compared to the 08. With the 09 Dura-Ace components and Mavic R-Sys wheels there is about a half pound cut from a bike that was already near 15 pounds.

Now we're not sure how many of these sexy bikes the amazingly beautiful and intelligent people at Specialized will be sending us (2 dozen?) but we are sure on a few things, 1. The bikes they do send us will be wrapped in "awesome" and 2, WE LOVE RIDING THESE BIKES! Which means that they kick total a$$, or the bikes are completely soaked in Axe body spray. Bom chicka wah wah!

Your local shop won't have the 09 S-Works Ruby on the floor for three more months at least, but be ready for them girls. This bike will likely cost you near $7000 so you may want to consider selling your husband's collection of sports memorabilia; he doesn't need them anyhow and after you ride this bike... you won't need him either.

A name can say a lot about you. For instance, if you met a woman named Jane you could assume that she came from a Jewish or Christian upbringing, and she likely speaks English. The name is originally Hebrew, a female version of the name John, and it literally means "giggles with small thumbs." In this decade, according to the US Government (Read: may not be entirely factual, accurate, or based in any form of earthly reality), the name Jane has been the 443rd most popular name given to newborn girls. Though when our Jane Riessen was born, it was the 328th most popular.

The most popular name given to a girl is Emily. Almost 200,000 girls born since 2000. No surprise, with our Emily Schaapveld living out her twenties with such wild, wreckless, drunken abandon it seems logical that so many new parents would be giving their daughters her namesake in hopes to spark some fire into their child's life. The name Emily is of Latin origin and it means "rival" or "sleepy eyes", depending on the spelling.

Jennifer is the 36th most popular, Maria is 43rd, Christina is 115th (though we call our Christina, Chris), Ana is 139th, Kristin is 440th, Jane 443rd, and Kelli is 877th.

The name Kelli scoring so low in popularity is no surprise either. First, it's spelled wrong. Second, it's English meaning is translated to "war and strife". Seriously it is. So for those of you working over at Visionary Services, the past three months of stress can now be easily attributed, just look for the girl with the big smile in the southeastern cubicle. Be careful though, it's best not to stare directly into her eyes as she is easily provoked to violence.

In the past 50 years, Maria has never fallen out of the top 100 names for girls. Though it's meaning was another that brought some humor. It means "bitter", though we're not entirely sure if it implies bitter as the emotion or the flavor.

Sources: Social Security and Baby Names World

PS. In the past 8 years over 8000 girls were named Paris, 2800 were named Gia, and 1700 took the name Shakira. Donny, or Donald, means "world ruler". And some brain-dead parents in New Zealand named their daughter "Talula Does The Hula In Hawaii".

Every year 20,000 cyclists ride their bike across the state of Iowa. They were SPD sandals, helmet mirrors, and are in constantly search of a porta-potty that doesn't smell like beer vomit. This year three from PRC are joining in the carnival; Kelli, Maria, and Ana. So, if you're out there on the great ride across the state and you see one of the girls from PRC, please do us a favor and wake her up from wherever she passed out, give her a warm beer, and point her east to the next town. Your help is appreciated!

PS. We are currently winning RAGBRAI. I don't care what you say.

We get asked, almost on a daily basis, "How does Punk Rock Cycling stack up against a team like Garmin Chipolte Professional Cycling?" And we can see why it's easy to get the two teams confused. Really, we can. So we wanted to point out a few differences for you, starting with an in depth comparison of team buses.

MAKE/MODEL
Garmin-Chipolte: 1996 lveco
Punk Rock Cycling: 2004 Nissan Quest

ESTIMATED VALUE:
Garmin-Chipolte: $625,000
Punk Rock Cycling: $9,000

OWN, LEASE, OR BORROW:
Garmin-Chipolte: Own
Punk Rock Cycling: Own

GARAGED:
Garmin-Chipolte: Girona, Spain
Punk Rock Cycling: Beaverdale, Des Moines, Iowa

DRIVER:
Garmin-Chipolte: Yvonne Corbel, firefighter and former amateur racer
Punk Rock Cycling: Maria Ruhtenberg, PRC team member and amateur tattoo artist

AMENITIES:
Garmin-Chipolte: Two showers, one bathroom, full kitchen, lounger area, seating for eight
Punk Rock Cycling: Seating for seven (four of which recline), glove box, four cup holders, windows on all sides

MULTIMEDIA:
Garmin-Chipolte: Three flat screen TVs, DVD player, satellite hookup, 3G wireless internet, computer workstation with printer
Punk Rock Cycling: 6-inch flat screen with built in DVD player, AM/FM radio, automatic windows, lighter jack to plug in cell phones

MOST PEOPLE ABOARD AT ONE TIME:
Garmin-Chipolte: 16, during staff meeting at Giro d'Italia
Punk Rock Cycling: 7 people and a bike box, during 2008 training camp

MOST SPENT TO FILL UP GAS TANK AT ONE TIME:
Garmin-Chipolte: $1,725
Punk Rock Cycling: $65

LEAST BUS-FRIENDLY PLACE DRIVEN:
Garmin-Chipolte: Palermo, Sicily
Punk Rock Cycling: Flooded back-country gravel roads in Bloomington, IN

TEAM'S FULL VEHICLE FLEET:
Garmin-Chipolte: Eight Skoda Octavia wagons, one Dodge Sprinter, one touring bus, one RV camper, two mechanics' box trucks, one Kymco scooter
Punk Rock Cycling: Handmade hoola-hoop and a 10-year old pair of roller blades

Following a recent race, Kelli noticed that Jane had yet to change into her street clothes. Breaking one of the team's unwritten rules of nastiness; You do not hang around in your chamois following a race, that's just gross. You’ve just spent two hours crotch sweating in your basement and now you’re casually drinking a brew on the sidelines. Ugh. Nasty.

So when Kelli spotted Jane a good 40 minutes after her Saturday race, still wearing her bib shorts, of course she had to make note.


Kelli: Getting some extra chamois time there Jane?
Jane: Well some of us have to get our awards on the podium. I'm sorry it couldn't be you Kelli.
Kelli: ........Oh.... it's ON tomorrow.

Proving that while there is no "I" in team... there's still a "moi" in chamois.

It's official... for the second straight year Jane Riessen has won the Iowa Cup, proving to be the fastest and most consistent racer over the 8-stage series. Jane's performances started in April and carried all the way through to last weekend's races in Clear Lake. Jane will be awarded with the Iowa Cup leader's jersey. Her results through the series are as follows: Altoona Road Race, 1st Iowan. Big Creek Road Race, 1st Iowan. Iowa City Road Race, 2nd Iowan. Old Capitol Criterium, 4th Iowan. Snake Alley Criterium, 3rd Iowan. Melon City Criterium, 2nd Iowan. Clear Lake Criterium, 1st Iowan. Clear Lake Road Race, 3rd Iowan. Congratulations Jane!

This past weekend the team raced in Clear lake, Iowa to compete in the final two stages of the Iowa Cup. It was one of the cooler venues we've had the pleasure to race at. Bands, beer gardens, blues, and bike racing combined with the most awesome host housing... we felt like royalty. The criteriums were held on Saturday and the road races on Sunday. In the Cat-4 criteirums Chris, Kristin, and Maria went 1-2-4 and in the Women's Open crit Jane, Kelli, and Chris took 3-4-5. It was an awesome day spent on the podium. In the Women's Open road races on Sunday Kelli took 2nd and Jane took 5th, while in the Cat-4 race the All 9 Yards team raced a smart race beating Chris and Kristin down to 3rd and 4th.

We'd like to send a special note of thanks to the Schurtz and Protzman families for their hospitality and use of their home. And to Tim Putman for all his work as race director. THANK YOU!!

You can take a look at all our photos HERE.

It is SO RARE that we see podium girls at any of our races. And it is even MORE RARE when those podium girls are actually working on the Women's podium. So when Kim West was calling Chris, Kelli, and Jane to the podium, Jane saw the chance to finally get a kiss from a sexy-dressed podium girl... and she took every advantage giving that girl the best make-out session of her young life. Watch the video for yourself.

Wanna know a secret? Bike racing has crashes, it happens... we see the most experienced riders in the Tour de France crash. So it comes as no surprise when the amateur ranks has a spill or two. At Clear Lake both Chris and Maria took a tumble... a lot of road rash and possibly a broken finger, but they got up and finished. And finished strong. Good job girls for taking a knock on the head, not whining, and getting yourself back in the race. We're proud of you.

We've finally gotten around to getting Chris a Chrome Citizen messenger bag. Each girl on the team is set up with a completely different bag, each embroidered with the team logo and her name. Chris gets the limited edition black with white, plain and simple for a simply complex girl. Get your own Chrome or check out our photo album of all the team bags.

Last night was the third running of the Elkhart Time Trial, a 12km out-n-back super-flat course. And for the third straight time PRC took top honors at the race. Kelli won the women's open with a time of 17:22 with Jane biting at her heels with a 17:44. But the big award goes to Maria. She won the women's category 4 with a 18:22, dropping over thirty seconds off of her time last month. Before long she'll be hanging around with the rest of the team in that sub-18 category. Great job gals!

Forgot to take any photos of last night's event, instead you should read more about the Juggernaut.

The Iowa Cup rewards the most consistently high finishes to Iowa racers, based on 4 weekends of racing throughout the year. This tidbit was taken from Cycling Update:

Jane Reissen (Punk Rock Cycling) has not mathematically eliminated the Mercy Specialized women, and will need to be mindful of good finishes all weekend to insure her top spot. However, Reissen’s consistent finishing all season should nearly guarantee her the victory in the Women’s Open.

Our last category is the most competitive. With the top four riders all within eight points, and with the leader, Kelli Mente (PRC), recently upgraded out of the competition, the competition is there for the taking for anyone with a spectacular performance this weekend. Both All9Yards and PRC have three riders in the top eight. The composition of the final podium is completely up for grabs. With Mente’s departure, the two riders from All9Yards, Dee Mable and Kristin Reese, have a decided advantage in points over the rest of the field. But they will not be able to rest on their early-season laurels for fear of being overtaken by the PRC juggernaut.

And in case you're wondering.... A juggernaut is a term used to describe a force regarded as unstoppable, that will crush all in its path. Damn right. Specifically- Chris, Maria, and Kristin Gallagher will be acting as our team's Cat 4 juggernauts this weekend attempting to overtake the All 9 Yards team in this series.

Plus, JUGGERNAUT is a pretty B.A. character from the X-Men comics (pictured), recognized for his "I'm-the-Juggernaut-B###h" line in the movie X-Men 3.

AND!! ...in case you're wondering ...Riessen is spelled with the i before the e.

So if you're in the neighborhood of Clear Lake, IA this weekend, you should make it out to watch JRC (Juggernaut Rock Cycling) make their last run at winning the Iowa Cup.

Now that the race is under our belt I can update the pre-race report and circulate it as a post race report... Of course this is only my interpretation

Assemble: Maria's 5:45 AM on the nose, shovel bikes, wheels, and misc. crap into the mommy van -- surprise, no aerobar water bottles allowed -- great, I only have a spot for one cage on my frame, good thing I'm a camel of many sorts -- but it is going to be 90 degrees and we will be head to toe in black -- hhhhhhot.

Drive: I'm not driving, just show me the way to the kibo when we get there. Realize that I forgot my sports bra -- but that's okay, 14 year old boys don't need them anyhow -- wait maybe Maria's daughter has something in the car -- oops, nope, too big (I'm not too big, just everything that's available to me is).

Register: What? Death Squad 5K can't race as a PRC'r even though the parent is the same? Who can we call to change this at 9:00AM... Lou - no answer, Kris, Kelli's sister? Kris was a God send, navigating about 5 different websites and 4 different back-seat drivers to update my license -- it's official, Punk Rock Cycle is tattooed on my license, a very proud moment for me. Thank you Kris!

Pre-Race tactics: #1 priority -- keep the team together, all for one, one for all. My suggestion is to take the first lap as semi-practice, second lap is a step faster, third lap va-JJ's out -- DQ agrees with a look on his face that I'll understand later. Nervous energy starts about now and giddiness takes over and causes silliness -- my favorite part, drunk without drink.

We are ready, warm-up and line up...

We're approaching the start -- 2 minutes before we start we arrive at the line -- Kelli and Jane announce they have to pee -- 2 minutes ladies??? DQ isn't the only one with a 'wahuh' look on his face. Kelli and Jane, true to form, do a PR pee, run back and mount their bikes with :05 to go.

They give the call to unleash us, and we off and I'm on and stable. I'm 10 meters ahead and I can hear the clatter of bike shoes on pedals behind me. What a relief, I didn't take anyone out and I didn't end it before we began, not to mention be an amateur dufus in front of a ton of spectators. I soft pedal until we're one unit, well at least until we're all next to each other, the one unit thing will take a while, maybe more k's than the race contains. The chit chat starts immediately, fall in line, hold the line -- didn't expect this much wind or to be blown around with the discs -- we're slightly unstable and unpredictable with our lines, take it slow, steady and safe.

My mind is starting to get fatigued with only 90k left, I have to completely pay attention which is hard enough for most people but throw into it that I'm a recovering triathlete with a solid case of ADHD (chicken or the egg, not sure which came first). All the near misses keep my attention until we reach the turn that will give us a tail wind and I'll be safe to drift into my head again and just pedal. Rumble strips -- Youch! That will wake the dead, back in the game.

Maria's complaining that her saddle is slipping, Kelli's bike sounds like it has training wheels and Jane is a pro -- I am just along for the ride and the love of cooch pain -- I came to the right place.

Our drafting isn't so bad, each direction change causes us to regroup, change our echelon flow and the hills throw a little tactical discussion into the mix but we gradually figure things out. Maria is still convinced something isn't right. We each take a few turns of pulling, round another corner, have a drink and fall back into our pulling rotation. I'm pulling out front and I hear some blah blah blah from behind me, I finally turn and look -- PRC is scattered like buckshot and what looks like a shoe on the ground next to Maria's bike. WTF??? It's her saddle, on the ground -- now what? One for all, all for one. There's no way she can ride in without a saddle, we don't have tools. There's nothing we can do except leave her. That's totally against everything that we wanted or needed to do, against our grain as a team but our hands were tied. Ride back to DQ and tell him the situation and he can fix her -- crap crap crap. We regroup, one PRCyclist shy of a full load -- three doing the work of 4. Our fallen soldier will be missed. Our game has changed -- solid, steady pulls to finish with our slighted team of 3 where 4 should have been -- Like Apollo 13, nothing else can go wrong or we'll flame out on reentry.

We do a decent job of covering our loss. Ride up to the feed zone and DQ hands Jane the feedbag. Jane swoops it up like a vulture and we work together to figure out how to get the goods out of the bag. A little sketchy riding and we've got it, toss the bag, distribute the water. Ahhh, thirsty.

We get our rotation pattern down again, no close calls, smooth sailing minus the pain from having our entire body's weight ballanced on the very tip of the saddle, on one small, yet very important part of our anatomy. We discuss briefly (however, the thought never leaves our minds) the things we won't be doing for a month or so -- and it's only lap 2. Hunger starts to set in, because you know without the extra curricular activity in the near future, our minds immediately go to food. We need food, without some sort of nutrition we will be done before the 100k mark. We conserve a little of our power to sustain our caloric stores, as soon as we get to DQ we have a treat in the next feedbag, just get us to the start of lap 3 and we will survive. We've just had a lesson in nutrition and racing -- our lesson is stored in our mental notebooks never to be forgotten.

Round to the final lap where DQ is holding the precious feed bag, if that things falls to the ground I picture 3 of us throwing down our bikes and scurrying to the bag, squatting on the ground and eating anything and everything we salvage, but thankfully, Jane snags the bag and we do the same disbursement drill as last time. She holds the bag, I grab one side and we slide it open. I then hold the bag out and she reaches in to grab the bottles and hands them off to Kelli then I toss the bag. If only we had a little more of our secret concoction -- tastes like heaven, it's not very much, but hopefully it will be enough to get us around the track one last time.

Jane was teetering near bonking, neither Kelli or I too far behind, when we got the feedbag but we only needed to take a couple easy turns before the juice took affect and we were all back on our game, we staved off the pre-bonk suffer. We settle back into our formation and there's a few moments when we realize how cool this really is. We've mastered the TTT one shy of a real team, we feel the level that we've reached and at least I think this is the coolest thing I've been a part of in a long time. We've reached a point that we're totally relying on each other, supporting each other and trusting each other, we are one bike with three riders. Along our way, we've seen a few teams in front of us, each time we throw out a line and real them in. Our PRC TT Team rivals any Tour de France TTT, swallowing up a few teams and other fallen soldiers from other teams in the process -- each sure to have a tail of enormous disappointment of their own, similar to Maria's.

We round the final corner, we can literally smell the barn and see the barn -- the country side is loaded with them -- but this one is our barn. We pick up the pace and real in the finish line. Pete, Pig, Maria and DQ welcome us home as we cross the line together. It's funny how suffering brings people closer together.

We finish 9 minutes or so in front of our competition. If we had one decent practice and not lost an integral part of our team, I am confident we would have been at least 5-10 minutes faster. Each lap was a negative split like I thought we should do, DQ informed me later that that is not typical and that's why when I told him my suggestion he looked at me with the 'yah, sure, that'd be great (but fat chance) look'. DQ has a great way of letting you believe good things when they can truly help you, he's never one to squash a lofty yet achievable dream. Ignorance is bliss, sometimes it works.

My mind only drifted a few times from the task at hand, the coolest was when we passed a group of about 25 Mennonite boys in their traditional black pants, white shirts and vest with big brimmed hats. I have to wonder what they think, a bunch of chicks in skinsuits racing against men. I wish I had a camera for that -- where's DQ and his media equipment when I want it? Oh yah, Mr. PRC is standing out in the 90 degree weather, holding out a feed bag, wearing a black PRC T-shirt and a new 5-15 tattoo, withering in the heat and supporting the crap out of our team -- like he had anything else to do for 12 hours on the nicest day of the year.

Next year I predict we beat Collier, Kris, Pete and the Pig's TTT time from this year -- I wonder what DQ would say to that? Actually, I already know -- thanks DQ! -Chris

Maria, Jane, Kelli, and Chris stepped up to the Iowa State Championship Team Time Trial in Littleton, Iowa. The TTT was 100km broken into three laps over rolling Iowa roads. Maria suffered from an unfortunate mechanical in the first lap that threw her into chase mode while the other three kept pace to the finish line winning the state championship with a finish time of 2:36:59.


Here's how PRC's laps broke down:

Lap 1: 52:39, avg speed of 22.03mph
Lap 2: 52:23, avg speed of 22.14mph
Lap 3: 51:57, avg speed of 22.33mph

Check out this great video of HOW TO USE A TT HELMET.
Check out PHOTOS FROM THE RACE.

This weekend Jane, Kelli, Maria, and Chris will team up to take a run at PRC's first state championship in the Team Time Trial. The foursome will ride 100km, for you non-metric folk a 100km time trial equals getting kicked in the face by a horse when you're drunk. To prepare for this event the girls have been diligently typing out exactly what they would be doing had they cared about being prepared for this event. Below is Chris' Race PREcap.


If we get some good practice in, it won't be exactly like this, but for now, this is my vision of (my) Sunday's race...

0-10k -- Figuring out how to mount my bike and fall in without falling over and taking anyone out.

10-20k -- Group chit chat about what we should do, how to fall in line -- DQ is yelling something and using some odd hand gestures that I've never seen before, I decide he's just break dancing and I refocus on finding someone's wheel.

20-30k -- PRC is demonstrating perfect giant gap drafting (so not really drafting), talking really loudly at each other (not yelling) and not hearing a thing but wind. We're sitting upright and our aero helmets turning sideways as we talk slowing us down, may as well be on hybrids with tractor seats and triples.

30-40k -- We're tightening the gaps, but still need to work on good turn taking -- lots of hurry up and slow down and more non-yelling communication, giant levels of frustration and fatigue without speed -- something I'm too familiar with.

40-50k -- This would be the time we spend looking at DQ, trying to figure out what we're doing wrong because DQ's face is in his hands and steam coming out of his ears -- even though we have the fastest splits to this point -- we're winning, so that's all that counts, right? Didn't DQ say something about how it doesn't matter how you look as long as you win? That's so not a chick comment.

50-60k -- Boredom starts to set in, I'm thinking about what to wear after the race, what I'm going to eat later, how many crappy pictures DQ will get of me.

60-70k -- I refocus -- because I nearly crashed by not paying attention, (sorry Kelli, we know it would be you that I'd take out) -- kind of like falling asleep at the wheel but I still want off my bike, my crotch hurts.

70-80k -- Hmmm, how fast do we have to keep going to win this thing? What's the slowest speed that will get us a W?

80-90k -- Here's where we smell the barn, the end is in sight and we're picking it up, too bad DQ has passed out from frustration, so he's missing this part -- but no more videos or pics, so it's not all bad.

90-100k -- Jane pulls for :20, smoothly drifts over to the side, Kelli takes Jane's place, another smooth turn and seamless transition, Maria and then me. All of a sudden we look like one bike with 4 riders, we've figured it out. Our efforts are consistent, our pulls are even, we've mastered the TTT and it only took 99k to do so. We cross the finish line as an intact team -- except for the team director who's in the med tent.

We collect our awards and climb back into the mommy van -- looking a little like a clown car, but with a whole latta funk, way more than what we left Des Moines with. -Chris

Several factors have weighed in to the route change for the PRC Ritual Ride. First, and most obvious, the recent flooding has left the paved trail system in shambles, thus many sections have been barricaded off. Second, and more exciting, our groups have grown to big for the paved trail anyhow. Click the image to the left see a larger, printable version. We'd like to see the group stay together until we reach the main loop at the intersection of SW 52nd St and S. 11th St. From here the faster riders have the option to ride two loops while beginners can ride just one. This way faster riders will finish behind the the slower riders, allow for some better group policing.

Join us tonight as we test out the new route. We're meeting at Ritual Cafe on the corner of 13th & Locust in downtown Des Moines. The ride will leave at 5:30pm and we encourage road bikes. See you there!

This is just a reminder to everyone reading that PRC is always accepting fan mail where you just go ape-bonkers with the compliments and nice words and detailed descriptions of your love for PRC. Not that we're asking for compliments, because that would be rude. Very rude. We just wanted to remind you that we're always open to accepting them, if by chance you are inspired to write a completely unsolicited letter of admiration. By the way, have we told you how amazing you look today?